
HONESTY IS 


THE BEST POLICY; 

OR, 

TRUE TO THE CORE. 

A RLA^T. 

IN ONE ACT AND ONE SCENE. 

By JOHN MAGUIRE. 

As first performed by the Amateur Dramatic Associa- 
tion, at Johnstown, Pa., March 17, 1877* 

TO WHICH ABE ADDED, 

A description of the Costumes— Synopsis of the Piece— Cast of the Characters 
—Entrances and Exits— Relative Positions of the Performers on 
the Stage, and the whole of the Stage Business. 



NOW 

HEADY 


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ftST" The figure following the name of the Play denotes the number of 
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NO. M. F. 

75. Adrienne, drama, 3 acts 7 3 


114. Anything for a Change, comedy, 13 3 
167. Apple Blossoms, comedy, 3 acts. ... 7 3 
! 93. Area Belle (The), farce, 1 act 3 2 

40. Atchi, comedietta, 1 act 3 2 

89. Aunt Charlotte’s Maid, farce. 1 act. . 3 3 

192. Game of Cards (A), comedietta, 13 1 
166. BardeH vs. Pickwick, sketch, 1 act. 6 2 

41. Beautiful Forever, farce, 1 act 2 3 

141. Bells (The), drama, 3 acts 9 3 

67. Birthplace of Podgers, farce, 1 act . . 7 3 

36. Black Sheep, drama, 3 acts 7 5 

160. Blow for Blow, drama, 4 acts 11 6 

70. Bonnie Fish Wife, farce, 1 act 3 1 

179. Breach of Promise,, drama, 2 acts. . 5 2 

25. Broken-Hearted Club, comedietta, 14 8 

24. Cabman, No. 93, farce, 1 act .2 2 

1. Caste, comedy, 3 acts 5 3 

69. Caught by the Cuff, farce, 1 act .4 1 

175. Cast upon the World, drama, 5acts.l0 5 
55. Catharine Howard, historical play, 

3 acts 12 5 

80. Charming pair, farce, 1 act 4 3 

65. Checkmate, comedy, 2 acts 6 5 

68 . Chevalier de St. George, drama, 3 9 3 
76. Chops of the Channel, farce, 1 act. 3 2 

149. Clouds, comedy, 4 acts 8 7 

121. Comical Countess, farce, 1 act 3 1 

107. Cupboard Love, farce, 1 act 2 1 

152. Cupid’s Eye-Glass, comedy, 1 art... 1 1 

52. Cup of Tea, comedietta, 1 act 3 1 

148. Cut off with a Shilling, comedietta, 

1 act 2 1 

113. Cyrill’s Success, comedy, 5 acts 10 4 

199. Captain of the Watch (The), come- 
dietta, 1 act 4 2 

20. Daddy Gray, drama, 3 acts 8 4 

4. Dandelion’s Dodges, farce, 1 act 4 2 

22. David Garrick, comedy, 3 acts 8 3 

96. Dearest Mamma, comedietta, 1 act, 4 3 

16. Dearer than Life, drama, 3 acts 6 5 

58. Deborah (Leah) drama, 3 acts 7 6 j 

125. Deerfoot, farce. 1 act 5 1 

71. Doing for the Best, drama, 2 acts.. 5 3 

142. Dollars and Cents r comedy, 3 acts.. 9 4 


No. M. F. 

21 . Dreams, drama, 5 acts 6 3 

186. Duchess de la Yalliere, play, 5 acts. . 6 4 

47. Easy Shaving, farce, 1 act 5 2 

13 >. Everybody’s Friend, comedy, 3 acts. 6 5 

200. Estranged, an operetta, 1 act 2 1 

103. Faust and Marguerite, drama, 3 acts, 9 7 
9. Fearful Tragedy in the Seven Dials, 

interlude, 1 act 4 l 

128. Female Detective, drama, 3 acts.... 11 4 

101 . Fernande, drama, 3 acts 11 10 

99. Fifth Wheel, comedy, 3 acts 10 2 

145. First Love, comedy, 1 act 4 l 

102. Foiled, drama, 4 acts 9 3 

88 . Founded on Facts, farce, 1 act.. . . 4 2 

74. Garrick Fever, farce, 1 act 7 4 

53. Gertrude’s Money Box, farce, 1 act. 4 2 
73. Golden Fetter (Fettered), drama, 3 11 4 
30. Goose with the Golden Eggs, farce, 

1 act 5 3 

131. Go to Putney, farce, 1 act 4 3 

28. Happy Pair, comedietta, 1 act 1 1 

151. Hard Case (A), farce, 1 act 2 

8 . Henry Dunbar, drama, 4 acts To 3 

180. Henry the Fifth, historical play, 5 38 5 

19. He’s a Lunatic, farce, 1 act 3 2 

60- Hidden Hand, drama, 4 acts 5 5 

187. His Own Enemy, farce, 1 act 4 1 

174. Home, comedy, 3 acts 4 3 

64. Household Fairy, sketch, 1 act...’!. 1 1 

190 Hunting the Slipper, farce, 1 act 4 1 

191. High C, comedietta, 1 act 4 2 

E u pchback (The), play, 5 acts 14 2 

18. If I Had a Thousand a Year, farce, 

1 act 4 3 

116. I’m Not Mesilf at All, original Irish 

stew, 1 act 3 2 

129. In for a Holiday, farce, 1 act. 2 3 
159. In the Wrong House, farce, 1 act. .. 4 2 

122 . Isabella Orsini, drama, 4 acts 11 4 

177. I Sha'l Invite the Major, comedy, 14 1 

100. Jack Long, drama, 2 acts 9 2 

139. Joy is Dangerous, comedy, 2 acts. .. 3 3 

17. Kind to a Fault, comedy, 2 acts 6 4 

86 . Lady of Lyons, play, 5 acts 12 5 

1 2 . Lame Excuse, farce, 1 act 4 2 


HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY; 

OR, 

TRUE TO THE CORE. 



IN ONE ACT AND ONE SCENE. 

By JOHN MAGUIRE. 

u 

AS FIRST PERFORMED BY THE AMATEUR DRAMATIC ASSOCIATION, 
JOHNSTOWN, PA., MARCH 17, 1877. 


TO WHICH ARE ADDED 


A DESCRIPTION OF THE COSTUMES — CAST OF THE CHARACTERS — EN- 
TRANCES AND EXITS — RELATIVE POSITIONS OF THE PER- 
FORMERS ON THE STAGE— SYNOPSIS OF THE 
PIECE, AND THE WHOLE OF THE 
STAGE BUSINESS. 



CLINTON T. DE WITT, PUBLISHER, 

No. 33 Rose Street. 

(BETWEEN DUANE AND FRANKFORT STREETS.) 

Copyright, 1877, by Clinton T. De Witt. 



2 


HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY. 


CAST OF CHARACTERS. 

Amateur Th'amatic Association , 
Johnstown, Pa., March 17, 1877. 
Mr. George F. Brown (a Commission Merchant, in which he 
impersonates the characters of a Jew peddler, an old 


fortune-teller, and a confidence man) Robert II. Bridges. 

Phelim O’Flynn (a young Irish boy, just landed) John Maguire. 



SCENE. — Interior of an office in New York City. 


TIME IN PLAYING— THIRTY MINUTES. 


COSTUMES. 

Mr. Brown —First, dress : A genteel citizen’s suit. Second clress: A seedy look- 
ing old man's suit, with old overcoat and old high-top hat and false nose and 
spectacles. Third dress : An old woman’s dress, with long red cloak with blue 
kerchief tied on head. Fourth dress : Same as first, with high white hat and 
false mustache to pull off. 

Phelim. — Frieze coat and mole-skin pants and vest, with narrow-brim soft gray 
hat. 

PROPERTIES. 

A desk, papers, pen, ink, two chairs, small box with old brass watch and some- 
thing to imitate jewelry, false ten dollar note, lottery tickets, newspaper, revolver. 



SYNOPSIS. 

An Irish boy, Phelim, applies for a situation in the office of a commission mer- 
chant, Mr. Brown. The lad is a stranger to the city, but there is something in his 
looks that pleases the merchant, particularly as the youth speaks affectionately of 
his mother in ould Ireland, and says that her last words to him were for him always 
to remember that “ Honesty is the Best Policy,” and although the lad has no 
credentials, he determines to employ him. He engages him at the salary of six 
dollars per week. Before leaving, however, the idea strikes him to try the boy’s 
honesty. Accordingly he contrives to drop a ten dollar bill. Then ordering the 
boy to sweep the office, he goes out, remarking as he leaves, that he will be absent 
a couple of hours. Scarcely has Brown left before Phelim, in the course of his 
sweeping, finds the ten dollar bill. He puts it snugly in his pocket. Then the 
master returns, disguised as a Jew peddler, and tries every art he can think of to 
tempt Phelim to buy a watch or some flashy jewelry ; but the boy nobly with- 
stands the temptation, and the peddler retires. In a short time Brown re-appears. 
This time he has the garb and the talk of a fortune-teller, and among other things, 
tells Phelim that money that is found is doubly fortunate. But the boy recalls his 
mother’s precept, and scorns the tempter and the temptation. The baffled Brown 
determines not “ to give it up so.” Retiring, he soon again makes his appearance. 
This time he tries the role of a lottery ticket vender. But in vain does Brown use 
all his eloquence to tempt Phelim. The latter sticks to his mother’s maxim, 

“ Honesty is the Best Policy,” and grows indignant with the supposed ticket ven- 
der for his pertinacious attempts to win him into dishonesty. Brown once more 
retires, and soon appears as his proper self. An explanation follows, and the mer- 
chant tells the honest boy that he will give him a permanent situation, at double 
the first agreed upon salary. Phelim is an excellent Irish part, and Brown gives 
an admirable chance to a versatile, eccentric comedian. 


HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY. 


SCENE. — Interior of an office. Brown discovered reading a news- 
paper. Door in left flat is open . 

Brown {reads). “ Wanted, an honest, respectable boy to keep an 
office clean and make himself generally useful ; must be able to read 
and write well. Apply personally to Mr. George F. Brown, No. 9090 
Broadway.” That's my advertisement. Now I wonder will I ever get 
a good boy ? I have had— but, let me see, at least six boys within the 
last ten months, and not one of them the least possible use to me. 
Some were good enough at first, but after a week or so they got so im- 
pudent they would only do what they liked. I don’t think there is too 
much for any boy to do here. Keep the place clean and occasionally 
do a little writing. My business won’t afford a regular clerk, so I have 
made up my mind this time I will have a boy to suit me, if I have to 
wait a month to find one. 

During the above , Phelim enters without knocking , the door being 
open, and not noticing Brown, surveys the place adminngly. 
When Brown is done speaking, he speaks. 

Phelim. Well, this is a mighty party place, anyhow. 

Brown ( turns quickly and discovers Piielim). Halloa, who the devil 
are you 1 Where did you come from, and how did you get in 1 

Phel. Me, sir 1 I am Phelim O'Flynn, sir; I came from Tanderagee, 
in the north of Ireland, sir, and I came in through the door there, sir. 

Brcwn. Well, Mr. Felix McGlynn, from Gandermagee, why didn’t 
you knock, sir 1 

Phel. Well, sir; you see the door was standing wide open, so I just 
walked in, sir. Phelim O’Flynn, of Tanderagee, is my name, sir. 

Brown. Just like my forgetfulness to leave the door open. Well. 
Mr. — Oh bother the name, since you are here, what may be your busi- 
ness 1 

Phel. Well, sir ; I saw an advertisement in this morning’s paper, say- 
ing you wanted an honest, dacent boy that could read and write well, 
and make himself useful ; and thinking I might suit you, I just dropped 
in to tell you so. 

Brown. Very good of you, indeed, Mr. Phelim; but where have you 
been employed last 1 

Ph^l. Oh, sir; sure I’ve only been two weeks in this country alto- 
gether, and in that time I’ve walked as much looking for work, if it 
was put together ’twould go round the whole of Ireland. Some places 
I’d go in they’d say why, you’re green, we can see your horns ; though 
by faith I could never get a glimpse at them. Others would say, 
young fellow you’re too fresh, and sure that was a lie ; for how could one 


4 


HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY. 


be fresh after being six weeks on salt water and living on stale 
bread most of the time. Well, sir; to make a long story short, I’m 
nearly tired of it, and if you don’t give me a trial I don’t know what 
I’ll do. 

Brown {aside). I like the young fellow’s looks ; he has a good open 
manly countenance, {aloud) Well, sir; suppose I should give you a 
trial. Can you read and write well 1 And how am I to know that you 
are honest, for I sometimes will have to trust you with the handling of 
money ? 

Phel. As for the reading and writing, give me a pen and ink and I’ll 
show you that {goes to desk and writes) There is my name and birth- 
place in full, so as you’ll not forget it, and as for my honesty, well, sir ; 
I hope I am honest, for I can’t but remember the last words my poor 
ould mother said to me as 1 left ould Ireland : “ Remember, Phelim,” 
says she, “wherever you go, that ‘ Honesty is the Best Policy.” 

Brown. A very good advice, truly. See that you act upon it, Phe- 
lim. Mind’ your duties, and I will make a man of you. You know 
what your have to do. To-day I have no writing for you. I have to 
go out for awhile ; see that you have everything put to rights when l 
come back. Your wages for the present shall be six dollars per week, 
but if 1 find you a good boy you shall not be long at that. 

Phel. Thank you, sir ; and you may be sure I will always do my 
best to do what is right. 

Brown [aside). He speaks very fair. Still, I am resolved to test his 
honesty. Let me see what plan 1 will take. Ah, I have it. I will drop 
a ten dollar bill on the floor, then go out, come back and subject him to 
such temptation that if he resist I can confidently say 1 can trust him. 
{goes up and drops a ten dollar bill under the desk) Now, Phelim, I’m 
going out. If any one calls, tell them I’ll not be back for two hours. 
Remember all I have told you. {aside) Now for the test. [Eer.it. 

Phel. Good-day, sir, and God bless you. Well, Phelim, you’re all 
right at last, my boy. Last night when I crawled to my bed, tired and 
heartsore, after travelling all over the great city for work and not get- 
ting any, I felt so bad and lonesome that I cried myself to sleep ; think- 
ing of the ould mother and the brother and sister at home, and little 
Nelly O’Shea on the hill beyont, and them poor souls thinking I had my 
fortune made by this time. But this morning everything is different. 
I feel as merry and light as an Irish ragman. I think if I’d wings I’d 
fly. Six dollars a week ! why, that’s nearly twenty-five shillings. Hur- 
roo ! my fortune’s made ! I’ll have the ould mother and all of them, 
and little Nelly too, here in six months’ time. Then won’t we be jolly. 
Bad luck to me, I’m forgetting what the master tould me to do. {gets 
broom, begins to sweep and discovers ten dollar bill) Halloa ! what’s 
this ? money I believe. Ten dollars, as I’m a sinner. I wonder how 
it got there. Oh, I suppose the master dropped it ; I’ll just keep it 
safe and return it to him when he gets back, {puts the money in his 
pocket and goes on with work , when a knock is heard. Goes to door 
and says , walk in, sir.) 

Brown enters as Jew peddler. 

Phel. Good-morning, sir. {aside) What an ugly looking ould baboon. 

Brown. Good-morning, my poy ; ish ter no vun apout put you? 

Phel. No, sir ; there’s no one about me. [aside) By my song I think 
if you were well looked after there’s company about you. 

Brown. Tat ish goot, my poy. I have some of der brettiest shewelry 
for zale tat never vas. 


HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY. 


6 


Phel. (aside). Jewelry; bedad he must be a Jew. I have often 
heard tell of them, but this is the first one I ever saw. I must have 
some fun with the ould lad. (aloud) Jewelry have you ? Oh, I’m very 
fond of jewelry. Let’s look at it. 

Brown (opening his box) Tere, my poy ; tere is some of ter nicest 
shewelry tat never vas, und so sheap ; tere is zome finger rings und 
zome putiful freast pins, und zome sthuds, all bure cold, slielp my 
Jiminy. Und here (showing icatch) tere is vun splenit cold vatch, vich 
I vi 11 zell you dirt sheap, as you vas a goot lookin’ young poy. 

Phel. (aside). Listen how the ould rogue puts on the blarney, and 
every article of them as good brass as my old mother’s candle-sticks at 
home, (to Brown) Look you here, ould fellow; how much would you 
be afther axin for this illigant gowld watch. 

Brown (looking around suspiciously). You is zure tere is no vun 
around ? Veil, I’m ashamed to dell you, it is so sheap; only dwenty- 
five tollars, und, s’help my Jiminy, it is vort fifty. 

Phel. (aside). Phew ! did ever any one hear the like of that 1 
Twenty-five dollars for a brass watch. Oil, the cheek of him. (aloud) 
See here now, ould Nebuchadnezzar, would you take half a crown for 
it? 

Brown. Half a grown ; I know no vat you mean ; but s’help my 
Jiminy, ter vorks of tat vatch cost me more as tirty dollars. 

Phel. Oh, get out! Why, I could buy them in the ould dart by the 
creel full as chape as turf. 

Brown (aside). 1 believe the young rascal is making game of me. 
(aloud) Veil, if you no give me dwenty-five tollars, I vill give it to you 
for twenty. (Phelim shakes hi* head. Brown offers watch down to two 
and a half. Phelim refusing him. Business ad lib.) 

Phel. Look here, ould skin-flint, yer only wasting your wind for 
nothing I wouldn’t have the like of it if you’d give me five dollars in 
the bargain. 

Brown. You no take tot putiful vatch for two tollars und fifty. Veil, 
I tell you vat I do. I give it to you for two tollars. (Jew offers down 
to one dollar. Business.) 

Phel. (aside). This ould fellow will make me mad yet, and if he 
does, look out for a row. (aloud) Now then, Isaac, my master will be 
coming in soon, and I don’t want him to see me talking to the likes of 
you ; so get out. 

Brown. Vot, you no take dot putiful vatch for one tollar 1 

Phel. (aside). Oh, Moses ! I’ll burst, (aloud) See here, Balthasar ; 
did any one see you coming in here 1 for if they didn’t, divil the one 
will see you going out if you don’t go in a hurry. So now dust. 

Brown (aside). I believe I had better go. That game didn’t work 
well, I must try something stronger. [Exit. 

Phel. Bedad. I’m glad that ould fellow is gone. If he’d stopt much 
longer I’m afraid I might have hurted him, and then 1 wouldn’t for the 
world the master would have come in and found him here. Did any 
one ever hear the like of him axin twenty-five dollars for a brass watch, 
and then coming down to a dollar, and it was so sheap. Ha, ha, ha ! I d 
give a month’s wages if my ould mother could hear him talk. She’d 
think it was mutton he was talking about. Let me see if I have the 
masther’s money all right, (feels his pocket) Yes, there it is safe. I 
must take care and not lose it till he comes back, {goes to door) I’ll 
just lock the door so as no more old scalawags can come in. Now I’ll 
amuse myself with a bit of a song, (introduces song , “ True to the 
Core.”) 


6 


HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY. 


While he is singing Brown enters as fortune-teller. At end of song 

speaks. 

Brown. You are merry, my boy 7 

Phel. Why, how in the blazes did you get in ? I thought I locked 
the door. 

Brown. Perhaps you did; but all doors fly open at my command. 

Phel. Why then, from that account you must be a witch. 

Brown. He, he, he ! That’s what some people call me, but they 
don’t know any better; but whether I am a witch or not, I can see into 
the future. 

Phel. Can you now ? I suppose you mean you can tell fortunes. 
Well, now, I am sorry I have no money, or I would get you to tell 
mine. 

Brown. Pshaw ; what do I care for money. Let me look at your 
hand, I will tell it to you and charge you nothing. 

Phel. Bedad, that is chape enough anyway ; so here goes for the fun 
of the thing. 

Brown ( looking at Phelim’s hand). What do I see ? 

Phel. ( pulling away his hand). Faith, I dunuo. Divil the thing I 
see but our two selves. 

Brown. Young man, do not be a fool. Let me see your hand again. 
Ha ! you told me a lie. You said you had no money, but you have, al- 
though it is not your own, but the owner does not know where he lost 
it, nor who has it ( looking again at Phelim’s hand) What is this 7 
Wealth and greatness gained in one day. Let me see what day it is — 
this very day. Young man you are lucky. By the money you have 
in your possession, you will this day gain wealth and power, {going off) 
Remember, this very day. Adieu, {aside at door) Now the snare is laid, 
we will see if the bird will flutter into it. [Exit. 

Phel. By the powers I am glad that old she-divil is gone. I think I 
smell brimstone. She must be some friend of the old boy’s, sure 
enough ; or how could she know that I had the money in my pocket, 
and that it didn’t belong to me; and to say by that money I should 
gain wealth and power. I wonder what she meant by that. By my 
song, I am bothered entirely, and to think of her getting in and the 
door locked. Bedad, that is the most curious thing of all. I only wish 
her words may come true about getting rich j but how it’s all to happen, 
the divil the one of me knows or can think. There is one thing sure 
enough ; there is no danger of me getting any poorer; that’s a conso- 
lation, anyhow. When 1 saw her first I thought it was ould Nancy 
Marks, an ould woman that used to live in our parts in the ould dart, 
and the people used to say she put pisthrogues on the cows and stopt 
them from giving milk. Some people used to say she could turn her- 
self into a hare. Whether she could or not, I don’t know ; but many a 
hare was shot on her account. I mustn’t forget to put about her in my 
letter when I write home. Bedad, there is another rap at the door, it 
must be the masther. I’ll go and let him in. 

Enter Brown, as a swindler. 

Brown. Good-morning, young fellow. Is Mr. Brown in the house 7 

Phel. No. sir ; he went out some time ago, and said he would be 
gone about two hours. But I expect him in soon. Will you sit down 
till he comes in 7 

Brown. No, thank you ; upon the whole I am glad he is not in, as 
my business don’t concern him much, for I know he is rich ; at least 


HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY. 7 

has enough to do him while he lives. It is with some one that is not 
rich, but would like to be, that jny business lies. 

Pixel, (aside). I wonder what in the thunder this fellow is after ? 
(aloud) Well, sir; if you are looking for some one that is not rich, I 
don t think you will have far to go, for any one that is poorer than me, 
I pity them. Although as long as I am happy, I don’t care a fig for 
money ; but it’s mighty handy to have a little of it sometimes. 

Brown. You are right, my boy; money makes the mare go, and my 
business is to put you or any one like you on the right way of making 
it without any trouble. 

Phel. Faith, and it’s a mighty fine thing to be able to do that ; and 
it s myself that would like to know how it is done. Not so much for 
my own sake, but there are others depending on me that I would like 
to see well and happy. 

Brown. Exactly; I understand— friends in the old country, perhaps? 
Well, then, to come to business, I am an agent for the great Bermuda 
Lottery Company, ^ company long favorably known for its fair dealings, 
and by which hundreds of hard working men have been suddenly raised 
to affluence and wealth. 

Phel. But, sir, I don’t see what all that has to do with me. 

Brown. Be quiet, and I will show you. By investing ten dollars in 
this concern, you stand the chance of winning ten thousand. There 
are five thousand prizes, ranging from five hundred up to ten thousand 
dollars, and you can hardly help but win some of them. 

Phel. Indeed, sir, that may be true ; but I have no money ex- 
cept — 

Brown (checking Phelim). Except what? 

Phel. Well, sir, I might as well tell you. I found ten dollars be- 
longing to my master on the floor this morning, and that, sir, I could 
not touch ; but for myself I haven’t got a copper. 

Brown. Ten dollars ; the exact amount required to purchase a ticket. 
Come, my boy, don’t be a fool. Your master is rich. What’s ten dol- 
lars to him ? and a thousand chances to one he don’t know where he 
lost it. You had better buy a ticket. There is no money so lucky as 
that you find. 

Phel. (aside). Oh, my God, what a temptation ! What did the old 
fortune-teller tell me — that if I invested that ten dollars this day, I 
would make my fortune. 

Brown (aside). I think I have him now. (aloud) Well, sir, will I 
tear you off a ticket? The number is 9,999. I have a presentiment it 
is a lucky one. 

Phel. (aside). Oh, heavens ! I know not what to do or say. Oh, 
mother astore, look down upon your sorely tempted boy. If she was 
only here to advise me. That word, “mother,” calls to my recollection 
her last parting words. “ Remember, Phelim, wherever you go, that 
* Honesty is the Best Policy.* ” Yes, mother darling, I will remember 
it. Thank God the temptation is over, (to Brown) No, sir ; I will have 
nothing to do with you or your lottery. If by laying out that ten dol- 
lars I were to gain a million instead of ten thousand, I would not do it! 

Brown (aside). Foiled, and at the very moment I thought he was in 
my grasp. I must see if his courage is equal to his honesty, (draws 
revolver 'and advances to Phelim) Come, sir ; I might as well be plain 
with you. That ten dollars I must have before I quit this place. 

Phel. Ha, villain ; is that your game ? this your pretended friendship ? 
Know then that money you cannot have unless you take it from my 
dead body, for I will defend it with my life. 

Brown. Come, boy, no fooling ; that money I must have ! 


8 


HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY. 


Phil. Never, you infernal scoundrel ! ( knocks pistol from Brown’s 
hand, they struggle , ad lib. Phelim overpowers Brown, and is about 
to strike him with a chair.) 

Brown {pulling off mustache). Hold, you young rascal, would you 
murder me ( gets up.) 

Phel. Holy murther, it’s the masther. {drops chair) Oh, I see it all 
now. {kneeling to r.) My God, I thank you for having delivered me from 
the temptation of this day. 

Brown {taps Phelim on shoulder). Give me your hand, hoy. (Phe- 
lim rises) You have indeed proved yourself an honest, manly boy, and 
worthy of all trust. Henceforth consider this your home, and your 
waaes from this time are doubled. 

Phel. Oh, sir, how can I thank you; sure I only done what was my 
duty. But, sir, this has been a busy day for me ; there has been the 
funniest people here 

Brown, {interrupting Phelim). Yes; there was an old peddler who 
had a splenit cold vatcli to zell, und so sheap, and an old woman with a 
He, he, he ! that’s what some people call me, but they don’t know any 
better. 

Phel. {surprised). Oh murther, and were you the ould Jew and the 
ould witch? Well, that bangs banacher. Well, upon my soul 1 can’t 
say you’d make a purty ould woman. 

Brown. Yes, Phelim; I impersonated these characters to try you, 
and I am proud to say you have stood the test nobly, and while you 
live never forget vour mother’s maxim, that “ Honesty is the Best 
Policy.” 


Brown and Phelim to audience, with chorus of song. 

Let this be your motto 
Wherever you may be, 

Bear in mind that 

Honesty is the best Policy. 

Envy not the rich, 

And ne’er despise the poor, 

Be upright and honest, boys, 

And true to the core, 

CURTAIN. 


STAGE DIRECTIONS. 

It. means Right of Stage, facing the Audience ; L. Left ; C. Centre ; R. C. Right 
of Centre ; L. C. Left of Centre. D. F. Door in the Flat, or Scene running across 
the back of the Stage ; C. D. F. Centre Door in the Flat ; R. D. F. Right Door in 
the Fiat ; L. D. F. Left Door in the Flat ; R. D. Right Door fL. D. Left Door ; 1 R. 
First Entrance; 2 E. Second Entrance; U. E. Upper Entrance ; 1, 2 or 3 O. First 
Second or Third Grooves. 

R. R. C. C. L. C. t,, 

B3T The reader is supposed to be upon the stage facing the audience. 


OCT 6 


1931 


DE WITT’S ACTING PLAYS (Continued). 


No. 

144. 

34. 

137. 

111 . 

119. 

165. 

48. 

32. 
164. 
109. 

85. 

87. 

143. 

189. 

163. 

154. 
63. 
39. 

7. 

49. 
15. 
46. 
51. 

184. 
108, 
188. 

169. 
130. 

92. 

193. 

140. 

115. 

2 . 

57. 

104. 

112 . 

185. 
84. 

117. 

171. 
14. 

173. 

176. 

90. 

170. 

33. 
3. 

97. 

66 . 

172. 
94. 
45. 

155. 
178. 

147. 

156. 
82. 

127. 

23. 

62. 


Lancashire Lass, melodrama, 5 acts.12 
Larkins’ Love Letters, farce, 1 act . . 3 

L’ Article 47, drama, 3 acts 11 

Liar (The), comedy, 2 acts 7 

Life Chase, drama', 5 acts 14 

Living Statue (The), farce, 1 act 3 

Little Annie’s Birthday, farce, 1 act. 2 

Little Rebel, farce, 1 act 4 

Little Ruby, drama, 3 acts 6 

Locked In, comedietta, 1 act 2 

Locked In with a Lady, sketch, 1 act. 1 

Locked Out, comic scene 1 

Lodgers and Dodgers, farce, 1 act.. 4 
Leap Year, musical duality, 1 act. . . 1 

Marcoretti, drama, 3 acts 10 

Maria and Magdalena, play, 4 acts . 8 
Marriage at Any Price, farce, 1 act. 5 
Master Jones’ Birthday, farce, 1 act. 4 

Maud’s Peril, drama, 4 acts 5 

Midnight Watch, drama, 1 act 8 

Milky White, drama, 2 acts 4 

Miriam’s Crime, drama, 3 acts 5 

Model of a Wife, farce, 1 act 3 

Money, comedy, 5 acts 17 

Mr. Scroggins, farce, 1 act 3 


M. F. 

3 
2 
5 
2 

5 
2 

4 
3 

6 
2 
1 
2 
2 
1 
3 
6 
3 
2 
3 
2 
2 
2 
2 
3 
3 
3 
1 
1 
2 


Mr. X., farce, 1 act 3 

My Uncle’s Suit, farce, 1 act 4 

My Wife's Diary, farce, 1 act 3 

My Wife’s Out, farce, 1 act 2 

My Walking Photograph, musical 

duality, 1 act 1 1 

Never Reckon Your Chickens, etc., 

farce, 1 act 3 4 

New Men and Old Acres, comedy, 3 8 5 

Nobody’s Child, drama, 3 acts 8 3 

Noemie, drama, 2 acts 4 4 

No Name, drama, 5 acts 7 5 

Not a Bit Jealous, farce, 1 act 3 3 

Not So Bad as We Seem, play, 5 acts. 14 3 

Not Guilty, drama, 4 acts 10 6 

Not Such a Fool as He Looks, drama, 

3 acts 5 4 

Nothing Like Paste, farce, 1 act 3 1 

No Thoroughfare, drama, 5 acts and 

prologue 13 6 

Off the Stage, comedietta, 1 act 3 3 

On Bread and Water, farce, 1 act. . . 1 2 

Only a Halfpenny, farce, 1 act 2 2 

Only Somebody, farce, 1 act 4 2 

One too Many for Him, farce, 1 act. 2 3 

£100,000, comedy, 3 acts 8 4 

Orange Blo-soms, comedietta, 1 act. 3 3 
Orange Girl, drama, in prologue 

and 3 acts... 18 4 

Ours, comedy, 3 acts 6 3 

Our Clerks, farce, 1 act 7 5 

Our Domestics, comedy farce, 2 acts 6 6 
Our Heroes, military play, 5 acts. . .24 5 
Out at Sea, drama in prologue and 

4 acts 16 5 

Overland Route, comedy, 3 acts 11 5 

Peace at Any Price, farce, 1 act 1 1 

Peep o’ Day, drama, 4 acts 12 4 

Peggy Green, farce, 1 act 3 10 

Petticoat Parliament, extravaganza, 

in one act 15 24 

Photographic Fix, farce, 1 act 3 2 

A COMPLETE 


No. 


M. F. 

7 2 


61. Plot and Passion, drama, 3 acts. 

138. Poll and Partner Jc?, burlesque, 1 

act 10 3 

110. Poppleton’s Predicaments, farce, 13 6 

50. Porter’s Knot, drama, 2 acts 8 2 

59. Post Boy, drama, 2 acts 5 3 

95. Pretty Horse-Breaker, farce, lact.. 3 10 
181 and 182. Queen Mary, drama, 4 acts.38 8 

157. Quite at Home, comedietta, 1 act... 5 2 
196. Queerest Courtship (The), comic op 

eretta, 1 act 1 1 

132. Race for a Dinner, farce, 1 act 10 

183. Richelieu, play, 5 acts 16 2 

38. Rightful Heir, drama, 5 acts 10 2 

77. Roll of the Drum, drama, 3 acts. ... 8 4 

13. Ruy Bias, drama, 4 acts 12 4 

194. Rum, drama, 3 acts 7 4 

195. Rosemi Shell, travesty, 1 act, 4 

scenes 6 3 

158. School, comedy, 4 acts 6 6 

79. Sheep in Wolf’s Clothing, drama, 17 5 

37. Silent Protector, farce, i act 3 2 

35. Silent Woman, farce, 1 act 2 1 

43. Sisterly Service, comedietta, 1 act . . 7 2 

6. Six Months Ago, comedietta, 1 act. 2 1 
10. Snapping Turtles, duologue, 1 act. . 1 1 

26. Society, comedy, 3 acts 16 5 

78. Special Performances, farce, 1 act.. 7 3 

31. Taming a Tiger, farce, 1 act 3 

150. Tell-Tale Heart, comedietta, 1 act.. 1 2 
120. Tempest in a Teapot, comedy, 1 act. 2 1 
146. There’s no Smoke Without Fire, 

comedietta, 1 act 1 2 

83. Thrice Married, personation piece, 

1 act 6 1 

42. Time and the Hour, drama, 3 acts . . 7 3 

27. Time and Tide, drama, 3 acts and 

prologue 7 5 

133. Timothy to the Rescue, farce, 1 act. 4 2 
153. ’Tis Better to Live than to Die, 

farce, 1 act 2 1 

134. Tompkins the Troubadour, farce, 13 2 

29. Turning the Tables, farce, 1 act 5 3 

168. Tweedie’s Rights, comedy, 2 acts.. 4 2 
126. Twice Killed, farce, 1 act 6 3 

56. Two Gay Deceivers, farce, 1 act 3 

123. Two Polts, farce, 1 act 4 4 

198. Twin Sisters (The), comic operetta, 

1 act 3 

Uncle’s Will, comedietta, 1 act 2 


81. Vandyke Brown, farce, 1 act 3 

24. Volunteer Review, farce, 1 act 6 

91. Walpole, comedy, 3 acts 7 

18. Wanted, a Young Lady, farce, 1 act. 3 
44. War to the Knife, comedy, 3 acts. . . 5 
05. Which of the Two? comedietta, 1 act 2 

98. Who is Who? farce, 1 act 3 

12. Widow Hunt, comedy, 3 acts 4 

5. William Tell with a Vengeance, 

burlesque 8 

Woman in Red, drama, 3 acts and 

prologue 6 

Woman’s Vows and Mason’s Oaths, 

4 acts 10 

Woodcock’s Little Game, farce, 2 4 


1 

1 

2 

3 
6 
2 

4 
10 

2 

4 


136. 

161. 


11 . 



4 
4 

54. Young Collegian (Cantab.), farce, 13 3 

DESCRIPTiVE CATALOGUE 


of DE WITT’S ACTING PLAYS AND DE WITT’S 

ETHIOPIAN AND COMIC DRAMAS, containing Plot, Costume, Scenery, 
_ . ^ 

Time of Representation and every other information, mailed free and post paid. Address, 

ROBERT M. DE WITT, 33 Rose Street, New York. 


j3 NLY j^IFTY J^ENTS 


library of congress 


0 011 819 95 



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